D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

I am writing this because there was such a reach out after a podcast where I spoke about my divorce. I was nervous to post the trailer, because I had never spoken publicly about this. But I am glad that I did because it seemed to help. The response was heartfelt and asked for more on the subject.

So here goes….

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Such a brutal word. It holds such indelibility.

Why does the certificate not read:

My love was real.
We gave it our best.
The End.
RIP.

Under 50% of marriages stay together.

And of those that stay, how many do you observe stay for Big Love, and how many stay for other reasons?

When the statistics look like this why is it still considered a failure, why does it hold such a deep imprint of shame? I understand why it holds such heartbreak. But the shame is the weight of centuries.

One thing I have learned in these last few years is whenever anything that is shrouded in the deepest shame, is worth getting really curious about. Sex. Money. Menstruation. Divorce.

Each time I dig in I learn that the topic is exceptionally powerful, and thus extremely manipulated. Each time I am willing to army crawl through the middle of it, I discover personal sovereignty lives on the other side.

To brave the putrid slime of shame is no joke,
but the rewards are also no joke and the freedom is real.
But wow, the army crawl is no joke, and the bravery is real.
But the rewards are also no joke, & the freedom is real.

Perhaps it's possible to lessen the choke hold of shame? Perhaps it is worth talking about that possibility of divorce as part of the pre marriage process. Something along the lines of:

"Ok so we’re gonna give this our most loving best. I really really want to walk in love together forever. But there is a reasonable chance we won’t. So can we build into our personal promise to each other: If we start to fundamentally Dim as a result of our relationship. We offer each other freedom to pursue our purpose. And as of this point right now, I will try to do so with Grace and Care."

I think about this and feel there is the beauty of an unlocked door in this conversation. A knowing that in the best relationships you both choose to stay each day for reasons much more beautiful than I fear the shame of leaving.

Sending y’all a rush of unconditional self love.

TKx